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5 Ways to Fix an Unhappy Past Life Relationship

Knowing someone from a prior lifetime is no reason to stay in an unhappy past life relationship. Here are five ways to fix it, or finish it!

I often write “Dear Abby” type replies to people who comment on my most popular article on the Internet who have found themselves stuck in relationships that are making them unhappy. My article is about identifying past life lovers, friends, and enemies. Thankfully, that in and of itself begins to answer the question. They have come together to rectify some past life issues that have left them feeling unbalanced. But it’s never quite that simple.

In fact, in many cases the “coming together” wasn’t a decision they made; it was mandated by the flow of energy in our universe, which follows certain principles of attraction and repulsion and harmonic regeneration. They had no choice; they would inevitably find one another to resolve what they’d left so very complicated.

Whatever they have been to one another in prior lives, in whichever gender they were living, they are now bonded in what seems to them unshakeable or unmanageable or intolerable situations. And they are tangled! You wouldn’t believe (unless you read the long thread of questions and answers) the variety of situations human beings can get themselves twisted into. And they can’t get free. Or they want to get free, but they don’t want to. Or they really want to stay tangled, but the other individual wants to get free. Or it’s a gender issue and society still isn’t certain, and they aren’t certain, where they stand on it.

In every case, it’s a push-pull, seesaw kind of situation between two and sometimes three and maybe four or five people.

Because they come to me from all over the world through this particular article, they have already begun to recognize that previous lives underlie their connections to one another and they’ve searched something like “past life friend.” Half the battle is won!

And in every case, thankfully my Cosmic CoAuthors step in to help me reply, even when my small self says, “WTF? How could I possibly help this person out of this mess? I have no clue!”

My CoAuthors are so wise, compassionate, loving, sometimes stern, and sometimes blasting Healing Power in the individual’s direction, it invariably shakes loose something that was stuck. But over time, I am beginning to see patterns and learn, for my own benefit, some of how we humans manage to complicate our lives. I’m very grateful to my Internet questers for sharing their lives with me, and my readers, because we are all learning from one another. First, they need to understand how they got stuck in the unhappy relationship.

Knowing someone from before, in a previous life, is only part of the equation. That will bring you back to one another, based on the energy principle of frequency relationship. Then hopefully the two of you—whether you are lovers, friends, boss and employee, parent and child, or siblings—will make progress together. You’ll grow and change and become better individually and together. If things go really well, you’ll be forming a constructive “polarity relationship,” which will serve you far into the future as a source of strength. That’s the kind of relationship in which there’s balanced give-and-take, mutual respect, and shared goals. It takes lifetimes to build one.

Unfortunately, many of us get stuck in the unhappy place, the one that no longer works in the present lifetime, if it ever did. We can’t change the past, but we can change ourselves in the present, which—voila—changes our relativity to the unhappy relationship. From there, either the relationship improves or we move on to better things, easily and naturally.

Here’s how we get stuck—and how to get unstuck:

  1. Feeling Unworthy. This must be the ultimate breakdown in self-management. We have somewhere been convinced that we don’t deserve any better. So we tolerate. We suffer. We endure. We set aside. We settle. And everyone suffers with us, feeling our misery every time our energies intersect with the world around us. But some part of the inner Spirit is crying out. And that’s when we find our Cosmic CoAuthors. Antidote: Feeling Worthy.
  1. Feeling Afraid. Fear of change, fear of being alone, fear of loss, fear. Just plain fear. That’s what keeps us trapped in painful situations. Or we are unable to stop thinking about the lover we wouldn’t take, the one left behind who has now moved on to someone else, or simply left the planet because their time here was over. Fear to act, fear to compromise. I’ve heard so much fear from the people who write to me. We might be fearless and strong in other ways, but the key is actually feeling fearless in social situations. Antidote: Feeling Courageous.
  1. Feeling Distrust. It’s not that we distrust the other person. We distrust ourselves! Almost every person stuck in an unhappy relationship knows it, yet distrusts that knowing. They even know the solution they must undertake. It comes right out in the words they write to me. Their own Higher Selves are screaming the answers to them inside, but they don’t trust that it’s the “right” thing to do. All they need is someone like me and my Cosmic polarities to say, “Yes. You are right. You are strong. Trust yourself! You can do this! You already know the right answer. Moreover, you’re the only one who can make this choice.” Antidote: Feeling Trust.
  1. Feeling Disconnected. The people who write me to have lost their connection (only for the moment, I hope) to their own Cosmic CoAuthors, because we all have them, those Higher Resources who whisper inside and comfort and guide, yet never interfere in our opportunities to learn by doing. My questers have forgotten to ask within themselves. So they have reached out through the Internet—which is a fine first step, and a wise one. Because at least they are reaching, even if they don’t realize that what they are missing is an inner connection to Those who are dedicated to serving humanity with wisdom and Love, whether you think of them as Angels or Guides or Avatars or Celestial Intelligences. Most do find this link again, once they have digested what’s given to them via my connections. A surprising number write back, completely changed! Then they ask inspired questions, furthering their education and mine by re-activating my own cosmic link. Antidote: Feeling Connected.

Today, for instance, one of my questers led my CoAuthors to give us both this piece of wisdom, which my husband vows to repeat often to me. So I’m going to save him the trouble and post in here in my blog where we can all access it. They said, and I quote:

“It is your obligation to the rest of the world to find the best, most constructive, healthiest, and happiest way to live on this planet. In that way, you are adding to the beauty of this world, enhancing the very best of it with your personal energy. You are also setting free anyone who might also feel trapped, and thereby helping them to achieve their best life. Trying to remain bonded to the past, an old memory of who and what you were, is not going to help either of you. If you cannot find compatibility in your present life, in the current reality, that means you have both outgrown your need to remain together. Set yourselves free! But if you do truly love who you both are now, and it’s mutual, and you have respect for one another and balanced give and take, with shared goals, then stay right where you are.”

  1. Feeling Happy!

Who knew? This is the secret to never, ever feeling alone! Because when you are happy, you’re like a welcome light to anyone you meet. You’ll be attracting new friends by your energy radiations of joy!

Why do couples stay in their miserable states, afraid to break free? Because they are feeling so miserable! A terrible state of affairs, this Catch-22. While they are miserable, no one wants to be around them. They’re afraid if they break up, they’ll be alone forever. But if they find what brings them joy, individually, they’ll either suddenly make each other so much happier, or they will move off into a life that supports their continued happiness, and EVERYONE in the world will benefit – friends, lovers, spouses, parents, children, coworkers, bosses, and the barista in the coffee shop. Total strangers will feel drawn to them. Life will regenerate their joy.

The same goes for those who are feeling miserable because they are alone. Find joy inside, and soon others will want to share it with you.

All we need is the courage to create and live a life of fulfillment, happiness, and inner contentment. We must do, and be, and live with, and spread what makes our spirits sing. That’s different for each of us, and we might have to dispense with some old, past life associates who don’t want to follow us along this new path.

It’s painful to separate from the past, granted. But the pain is brief, and the enduring richness and opportunity and discovery and fascination and growth are well worth it. We not only help ourselves, we help the people we have been holding in the pattern with us!

I have made such choices many times in my own life—and I completely endorse this statement that my Cosmic CoAuthors inspired me to write. It has certainly been true for me.

What about you? I welcome your comments, experiences, and thoughts in the thread below. And please share my article if you found it useful or enlightening.

Published inLovePast Life AwarenessPolarity RelationshipsReincarnationSelf-healingTransformation Counseling


  1. Emily Emily

    Excellent article! I felt drawn to the statement regarding happiness and joy radiating from within. I do believe that joy will then be felt with all others!

    I have not been my true self at my current place of work. I know I have a past life connection with my current boss. I recognized instantaneously a strong familiarity when making eye connection, and from the time I met him I felt my heart race and uneasy. He is a surgeon and at first is was challenging to work together as he showed similar signs of nervousness. I felt and still feel, as if a magnetic pull is felt between us. Our work rapport has been very professional as he is very much older and we are both in long term marriages. I underwent hypnotherapy for a past life session and of course he was a previous love partner. The details were unreal, back in 1642 Mongolia he killed me with a primitive ax to the left side of my head! It was horrible, and oddly enough at work he almost dropped a piece of equipment twice on the left side of my head on separate occasions! Some staff members have been surprised at his ease with some situations that might not be tolerated in the past, as he is a serious rigid surgeon who at times unravels around me. My husband knows of my strange feelings and is very supportive, I am fortunate to be able to confide in him. It has been 2 years and not much has changed! Not a single day has passed with out thinking of him and I would feel such a relief to share my true thoughts of a connection with him! I know crazy, I am actually planning on changing jobs in about 6 months.
    What are your thoughts on this matter? Thanks so much.

    • Hello Emily! You have certainly described well how a past-life, close connection can suddenly make itself clear in the present lifetime. All the subtleties and repetitions (the dropping of equipment near your head, etc.) are there. Thankfully, you know enough to put any unwanted feelings or resentment or anger in its place in the past, instead of playing them out in your present lifetime!

      A lot of people in your situation (perhaps if you were both single) make the mistake of repeating the entire sexual relationship, right up to the moments of conflict–but then cannot understand why they were so “in love” originally and then, as the past-life cycle comes around and into phase with the present life, they suddenly feel such animosity toward one another! They fight, and hopefully do not repeat any truly harmful actions, and the “happily ever after” aspects of the marriage or love affair seem to evaporate.

      However, a student of past lives can put all of that negativity into its place–back in the past where it belongs–by recognizing, as you have, that these are old patterns suddenly come up for review. We make mistakes in our many lifetimes, even to the point of committing angry violence against one another. That doesn’t mean we cannot find love, friendship, and happiness in the present. It means that we will need to use all of our knowledge of energy, and all of our mental skills and positive associations to sort out what is real now, and what was real in the past. And then proceed according to what is ACTUALLY going on right now. In this case, what is actually going on is that you are co-workers, you are both married to others, and anything romantic is out of the question. Right? You are also aware of some danger from this individual, so perhaps you are using that constructively to avoid conflict and maintain physical safety against “accidents” of repetition while on the job.

      Also interesting here is his position as a surgeon in the present lifetime, after what sounds like a fairly barbaric past with cutting and chopping of other humans. This is often true of modern physicians, especially surgeons! They are subconsciously trying to rectify or compensate for the physical harm they have done to others in the past. Unfortunately, they are not consciously aware of this, and sometimes the previous brutality spills out into the present. One day, hopefully, this concept of the repetition of many lifetimes will become more widespread and people will be able to recognize the patterns they have woven into their extended biofields (energy blueprints for all future lifetimes), which will replay again and again, until and unless they do something to change them.

      When you change jobs, count yourself as having conquered old demons of your past-life history! You met, and no one died. That is progress!!
      Best to you,
      P.S. Have you read my other article, 12 Ways to Identify Past Life Lovers, Friends, or Enemies?? Or my book, Speed Your Evolution about how to cope with past life situations?

  2. Kathy Clarke Kathy Clarke

    Great article! Well written and good information. Thank you 🙂

  3. Hi! I want to meet spirit guides and a psychic reader told me that i hav already met them in dreams. But i still dont know who they were as i only hav dreams of familiar and known persons. Can u tell the ways to recognise spirit guides if they appear in dream and to feel be aware of their person if they r near? Can died persons be angels or spirit guides as my father or grandfather cud be my spirit guides? Can we connect with them even if we carry low vibrations??
    Can u pls write an article on spirit guides?
    Thank u!

    • Hello — It’s a big subject, but I will try to write an article for you soon. My experience is that the more advanced the personage helping you, the less interested they are in having an “identity,” as we know that on Earth. In other words, they’ve evolved beyond the ego need to be recognized.

      You connect with anything and everything depending on the nature of your “vibrations,” as you put it. “Low” vibration, connects to “low” vibration. High vibration, to high. So if you want to meet and connect with more evolved, advanced, helpful, and constructive Beings in the universe, keep your vibration high! How to do that? That is the question! And it is through trial and error that we learn to determine what is “high” (more constructive) versus “low” (more destructive). In a basic sense, though, keeping positive thoughts, or finding the positive even in a so-called negative situation, will always lead you in the right direction. 🙂 Hope this helps!

      As for deceased relatives, they are likely going to be near you now and then, but like us, they are more probably busy attending some kind of spiritual school between lifetimes, learning a better way. I do find that some of my deceased relatives will pop in now and then with a bit of advice, such as how to make that soup I’m working on. Simple things. For the larger issues, I rely on my Cosmic CoAuthors who are well beyond this world and more subtle in their interactions. That is the most valuable and richest form of guidance and advice. But it is good to know that our loved ones are still “alive,” and still loving us, and vice versa!

  4. Madilyn Madilyn

    This is truly sage advice from you and your Cosmic CoAuthors, Lianne. Changing these unhappy karmic relationships from the past and applying the antidotes may take every ounce of courage and trust. It can be a painful process and for some there may be legal and family implications to consider. There are many aspects to these entanglements. What you’ve listed here are excellent guideposts to help light the way. It’s something I know I need to work on. A beneficial and enlightening post, thank you!

    • Thank you for writing, Madilyn! It is so true that we each have a unique life–and thus unique entanglements and attachments. And only we can know what is right to do, and when. This is how we strengthen our spirits. 🙂

  5. Hi! This article of urs is so true! Really sumtimes a destructive relationship seems so attractive that it feels almost impossible to cum out of that even though it is full of pain! U hav wonderfully described the reasons why we dont want to cum out of such relationships. Thank u for writing this!
    Last year i have had couple of dreams which eventually became true. In all of my such dreams I saw myself at a place where I have never visited in reality. After month or so I went to an unknown place which I later realised, was the same as I saw in my dream. All places which I saw in dreams I.e. a specific garden, a multiplex have cum in existence recently so no way that these dreams had occurred due to past life memory. And in another dream I saw a Hollywood movie’s scene 2 months prior to watch that movie. In my dream I saw myself as a part of that scene which I later saw in movie.
    I want to know do these dream indicate sumthing significant or is it normal phenomenon??
    Thank u for ur answer.

    • Hello again, Geeta. It’s wonderful that you have such dreams. During our sleep state, we enter into a world of consciousness where time and space no longer apply. We can fly, we can visit other places, and the rules of Earth no longer hold us back. In other words, we are in a different dimensional awareness than this third dimension in which we live during the day. We might see scenes of prior life experiences, or of the future. Your future-visions might be of help to you, or you might not know which ones will occur in the waking world and which ones will not.

      I think the greatest importance to you right now is the realization that your mind and your Self are much more capable than the illusion of our day to day lives would lead us to believe. Value your mental skills, keep asking questions, and keep developing a wider range of perception than the ordinary person cares to do. Use what you learn about the non-physical elements of your Self. It is “normal,” and yet many do not notice these abilities and hence, do not benefit from them. For you, this is a way your higher Self is demonstrating to you that you are more than your physical body, and your true Mind is capable of so much more than ordinary thinking.

      • SORRY for bothering u again, but… does it mean that our every movement is pre destined, pre decided? Means where I will go,to which place I will visit, which movie I will watch etc etc, all r already decided by divine? Life is like a play and divine is its writer and director who has already written its script & all the scenes, I m just blindly/unconsciously following wat has already been written. Is it so?
        Thank u!

        • No, of course not. If there’s a writer and director, it’s you. However, you wrote some things in your previous lives that you may be drawn back to, and you’ve created some patterns that you might be repeating. You probably are repeating them, because they are comprised of energy and that energy will repeat itself until and unless you do something to change it. But you are the one who will decide when to change the pattern, and how to change it, and what it will become. This is true for all of us! It is how we learn and become new, brighter (or darker) versions of the spark of Infinite Intelligence that we have been given to develop and polish and shine. We contain that divinity, if you want to call it that, within us. We are a spark of it, a part of it, and we are connected to all other aspects of it.

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