Want to experience a lasting romance? The most beautiful, long-term, and successful partnerships in the world boil down to 3 Golden Measures:
1. Mutual Respect
2. Shared Goals
3. Balanced Give-and-Take
How do I know? Because we are energetic beings, and we operate based on universal principles of energy. A partnership becomes an energetic polarity exchange, successful only when energy flows smoothly back and forth, from one partner to another.
In fact, we thrive only when we develop these smoothly functioning polarities with many people in our lives. It’s so important that I’ve devoted an entire chapter of Speed Your Evolution to “Building Polarity Relationships.”
This is one case where “two out of three” isn’t good enough for long-term romantic success. A relationship of any kind—whether romantic or not—needs all three legs to stand upon.
You can try to limp along with only two of these qualities, and many do. But for complete happiness, shared growth, and maximum development of Consciousness during your present lifetime, you need all three. That’s true whether the partnership is for business or pleasure.
Compare notes. Make changes. Love will last and multiply!
Since February is the month for romantic inclinations—even among the bird population—let’s examine what it takes for lasting romance:
Golden Measure #1: Mutual Respect
I don’t agree with people who say you can improve a relationship by “working at it.” If you don’t have this feeling toward one another, what can be done by either partner to create it?
If in your romance, respect is lacking in either party and you know a way to improve it, by all means do! Without this, you’re not going far.
Having been raised by an alcoholic parent who taught me that love means always saying you’re sorry, it took me a lot of short-term relationships to learn what “respect” feels like in a partnership. If you’re unclear or have a background of psychological or physical abuse, find counseling to develop self-respect first. Then learn to identify what it feels like to be treated with respect, before you sink yourself into long-term obligations.
The first guideline: Actions speak louder than words. Believe what is demonstrated, not what is merely spoken.
I wish someone had tipped me off about this when I was young! On the other hand, I would not have just entered my twenty-fifth year of relationship bliss with Joseph if I hadn’t had the sense to terminate the bonds that fell short in this department.
I didn’t fully understand, however, until Joseph showed me what it feels like to be treated with respect, and to return that respect in equal measure. This balance of mutual respect is the first key to a lasting romance.
Golden Measure #2: Shared Goals
Many couples get tripped up by this one. In the initial rush of euphoria, they may fail to consider whether or not their goals coincide or complement one another. If not shared, can you at least be supportive of your partner’s goals? And vice versa?
Before they’ve had a chance to consider that question, many couples lock themselves in through marriage or cohabitation or other complexities. Only later do they discover the disparity.
Sometimes personal growth causes your goals to change. This is a good and natural thing. The problem arises when you and your partner don’t recognize the change and start pulling at odds with one another. It’s best if you can talk it through and make some shifts if necessary, rather than continuing a disparate relationship long past its fruitfulness.
Some people try to sublimate their true interests, personalities, and aspirations in order to please their partners and “keep the harmony.” This is where I most disagree with those who say a partnership “takes work.” Too often, that “work” means someone is short-circuiting their own life’s purpose, sacrificing themselves on the altar of the relationship. (Do I sound like I speak from experience? I do!)
Be your own true self from the beginning, in the middle, and all the way to the end. That way, both you and your partner will always know exactly how to share your goals, even as those goals pass through the natural changes that life may bring.
Increase your mutual savings account of love-energy…
What if you’re still clueless about your personal goals? If you’re not sure yet, see how your uncertainty matches up with your partner’s. It’s risky, because often you wind up on different staircases to heaven, but it is possible that the two of you will develop a mutually satisfying set of goals for life. I think perhaps this occurs between couples who, for a time, choose child-rearing as their mutual goal.
Golden Measure #3: Balanced Give-and-Take
This may be the hardest task of all, and yet the most essential. In any energetic polarity, the energy must keep flowing back and forth from one pole to another. Any hoarding at one end, or excessive giving from the other, and the couple is heading for trouble.
Balanced give-and-take is the ultimate essence of polarity: surplus flows to deficiency, which then builds a surplus until the flow reverses. This constant back and forth principle of energy powers our contemporary world with what’s called alternating current. It powers our relationships as well.
This is one area where “working at it” might pay off. In fact, you would be wise to keep a constant watch on this aspect of your partnerships, making adjustments as circumstances change and fluctuate. To remain standing on a crowded, jolting bus, you have to keep your knees bent, right? So it goes with relationships.
When Joseph and I teach a class about polarity relationships, we use muscle-testing to demonstrate the energy leaving an individual and flowing to another, then flowing back again, and, after a few moments of physical hand-holding, balancing both of them out to the same constant, high level. That’s how you want your romance to function.
Best of all, when this equilibrium is established, just as an electronic transformer can step up or step down the frequency of a signal, the energy passing back and forth between the two of you becomes more than twice as effective at whatever you do.
Moreover, you will build a storehouse of mutually accessible energy that is far greater than anything you might build individually. We like to say that one plus one equals a lot more power, energy, success, and capability than two could achieve separately.
Become more than twice as effective at whatever you do!
Business partnerships that display the 3 Golden Measures of Mutual Respect, Shared Goals, and Balanced Give-and-Take often achieve more than solo performers. But in romantic relationships with the Golden Three, you’ll find two individuals benefiting from a large savings account of love-energy, healing energy, personal-growth energy, and spiritual-awakening energy that has built up between them.
People you know and love will also benefit naturally from your successful romantic polarity. The power you and your partner generate will radiate from you like a lighted sparkler. It will influence all that you do, say, and think.∗